October 21, 2024

8 Essential Steps to Leave an Abusive Relationship and Start Healing

Here are 8 essential steps to leave an abusive relationship and begin healing, from creating a safety plan to finding the right support.

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Angelynn Keighin

Recovery Writer

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Last Update on October 24, 2024

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Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest yet most important decisions you can make for your safety and well-being.

As October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it’s a critical time to raise awareness about the importance of taking action against abuse.

Taking the time to plan your exit and surround yourself with a supportive network can make all the difference in leaving safely.

In this article, we’ll outline the 8 steps to leave an abusive relationship and how trauma therapy can help you start healing.

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Key Points

Why It’s Important to Plan Your Exit from an Abusive Relationship

Planning your exit carefully can be the difference between a safe, smooth departure and a potentially dangerous situation.

Take the time to think things through, gather what you need, and build a support system to protect yourself now and set yourself up for long-term safety and peace of mind.

It’s very important to keep your safety plan private—clear your browsing history, use a trusted device, and communicate discreetly with those you rely on.

This careful preparation helps you feel more in control and confident as you take this big step toward freedom and healing.

8 Steps to Leave an Abusive Relationship Safely

Leaving an abusive relationship is a challenging and courageous decision.

To help make this transition as safe and manageable as possible, it’s important to take certain steps.

From creating a safety plan and building a support network to securing important documents and getting professional help, each step is meant to guide and empower you through this difficult journey.

Let’s walk through these steps together:

1. Create a Safety Plan

Creating a safety plan is an important first step when leaving an abusive relationship.1

Start by gathering important documents, like your ID, financial records, and any legal papers, so you’re prepared for what comes next.

Pack a bag with essentials like clothes, medications, keys, and a bit of cash if you can.

Think about where you could go for safety—maybe a trusted friend’s home or a local shelter—and let them know about your situation.

Keeping your bag and documents in a safe, discreet place will help you feel ready to act quickly when the time is right.

Having this plan gives you a sense of control and a clear path to a safer future.

2. Reach Out for Support

You don’t have to go through this alone.

Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or a domestic violence hotline can give you the emotional support and guidance you need to feel less isolated.

These people can help you with practical steps like creating your safety plan, finding a safe place to stay, and offering a ride or a helping hand.

Sometimes, just having someone listen and validate your feelings can make a huge difference.

Leaning on those who care about you reminds you that you’re not alone and that support is out there when you need it most.

3. Avoid Confrontation When Leaving

When leaving an abusive relationship, avoiding confrontation is key to staying safe.

It’s best to plan your exit for a time when your abuser isn’t home or doesn’t suspect anything so you can leave without facing a dangerous situation.

Make sure your safety plan is ready to go, with essentials and documents easily accessible.

If possible, have a trusted friend or family member on standby to support you during this critical moment.

Prioritizing a smooth, quiet exit helps reduce risks and ensures you can leave safely.

QUICK TIP: Prioritize Safety When Planning Your Exit

When leaving an abusive relationship, safety should be your top priority. Take time to create a detailed safety plan, including gathering important documents, securing a safe place to go, and seeking support from trusted friends or organizations. Having a plan in place can make all the difference.

4. Seek Legal Assistance if Necessary

If you’re feeling unsafe or need legal protection after leaving, reaching out for legal help is an important step.

Filing for a restraining order can create a protective barrier, and if children are involved, establishing custody arrangements is crucial for their safety and well-being.

Many domestic violence organizations offer free or affordable legal resources to help guide you through these steps.

Getting legal support not only provides peace of mind but also helps you take control of your future and your safety.

5. Find Trauma Therapy and Counseling

After leaving an abusive relationship, finding trauma therapy and counseling is a crucial step in your healing journey.

Professional support can help you process what you’ve been through, rebuild your self-esteem, and begin to heal from the emotional scars left by abuse.

A therapist who specializes in trauma can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and guide you through recovery at your own pace.

Remember, taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is just as important as your physical safety, and finding the right support can make all the difference.

6. Build a Support Network

Rebuilding your life after leaving an abusive relationship is easier with a strong support network.

Surround yourself with people who genuinely understand your journey—whether it’s close friends, supportive family members, or survivor support groups.

These connections can offer emotional support, practical help, and a sense of belonging when you need it most.

Having people you can count on makes a huge difference in regaining your independence and rebuilding your confidence as you move forward.

7. Reclaim Your Independence

Reclaiming your independence after leaving an abusive relationship is a journey, but it’s also a deeply empowering one.

Start by focusing on practical steps like finding a stable place to live, securing a job that supports your needs, and taking control of your finances.

These actions not only help you rebuild your life but also give you the confidence and freedom to move forward on your terms.

Remember, each step you take brings you closer to a future that’s yours to shape, free from abuse.

8. Focus on Self-Care and Healing

After leaving an abusive relationship, taking time for self-care and healing is essential.

Prioritize activities that help you relax, rebuild your confidence, and restore both your emotional and physical well-being.

This might mean practicing mindfulness, journaling your thoughts, taking walks in nature, or spending quality time with loved ones.

Whatever helps you feel grounded and at peace is worth embracing.

Remember, healing isn’t just about moving on—it’s about reconnecting with yourself and nurturing your well-being as you move forward.

Quick Tip: Build a Strong Support System

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but having a strong support system can make the process easier and safer. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a support group to help guide you through the transition. Their emotional and practical support is crucial for your well-being and healing.

Resources for Those Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship is a brave and challenging step, and it’s important to know that you don’t have to face it alone.

There are many resources available to support you, offering everything from legal help to emergency housing and counseling.2

Here are some key places to turn for help:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or visit thehotline.org for confidential advice, safety planning, and connections to local shelters and services.
  • RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) for support, information, and resources related to sexual abuse and violence.
  • Local Shelters and Safe Houses: Use DomesticShelters.org to find nearby shelters that can provide a safe place to stay and support services while you rebuild.3
  • Legal Assistance: Organizations like The National Network to End Domestic Violence (https://nnedv.org/) and Legal Aid (https://www.lsc.gov/) offer help with restraining orders, custody issues, and understanding your rights.
  • Cornerstone Healing Center: If you’re in Arizona, Cornerstone Healing Center offers trauma therapy and personalized mental health services to help you heal emotionally and mentally.

Remember, these resources are here to provide the support, guidance, and safety you need during this difficult time. You’re not alone, and help is always available!

Frequently Asked Questions

A safety plan involves gathering important documents, packing essentials like clothes and medications, and finding a safe place to go, such as a friend’s home or a local shelter. It’s best to leave when your abuser isn’t home to avoid confrontation. Having supportive people you can rely on is also key.

Trauma therapy provides a safe space to work through the emotional and mental impact of the abuse. It helps you process what happened, rebuild your self-esteem, and develop healthy coping skills for moving forward. This support is vital for healing and regaining your sense of self.

After leaving, it’s important to consider filing for a restraining order to protect yourself and, if children are involved, arranging custody. Legal aid services and domestic violence organizations often offer free resources to help you navigate these steps and ensure your safety moving forward.

Finding Strength and Support in Your Journey

Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy, but taking the right steps can help you move toward a safer and healthier future.

Remember to create a safety plan, reach out for support, seek legal assistance if needed, and prioritize your healing through trauma therapy and self-care.

Rebuilding your life takes time, but you don’t have to do it alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling, Cornerstone Healing Center is here to help.

We offer specialized trauma therapy and mental health services to guide you through this difficult time and support your journey to healing.

Your safety and well-being are important, and taking that first step is an act of strength and courage.

Reach out when you’re ready, and we’ll be here to help you find your way forward.

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Author & Reviewers

lionel estrada lisac clinical director
CLINICAL DIRECTOR & REVIEWER

Lionel is the Clinical Director of Cornerstone’s Scottsdale treatment facilities. He has had over 4 years at Cornerstone. He is personally in recovery and passionate about helping others overcome substance abuse and mental health challenges; he is trained as an EMDR, adopting a trauma-informed approach to treat the underlying issues.

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